The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Just a few more days.....results will be out Friday.  At that time there will news.  Hopefully it will be the news you want.

It's always great to get good news.  And, PASSing the Bar Exam is among the most fun pieces of news one can receive.

One law school holds a lovely reception twice a year, just after results came out, to celebrate all the successful graduates.   They serve delicious wines and cheeses, and, after some mingling and congratulations, each applicant stands and describes how the news came:  who was there in the room, who actually checked the site, and how each person reacted.  "I yelled so loud my neighbor came rushing up to see if everything was OK."  Great stories.  Some people can't speak.  Others cry.  Still others immediately phone classmates and professors to share their joy.  The reactions of kids and parents are wonderful too --the pride is palpable when you hear someone say, "My mom just passed the bar," or "My son just passed the bar."

Then, there are messages from or to classmates who didn't make it this time.  That's tough.  It's rough to be the one who didn't make it when friends did; it's painful to console people who you know should have made it. 

Some face that challenge of having to re-take the exam easier than others, especially people who may have been working full time or otherwise just knew they had not given it their all.  But it's never easy.  It almost always means a game plan must be devised, a way to prevail must be developed, and then a strategy for success must be realized. 

But in so many ways, this news of results mirrors the way life's news comes.  One day it's a call from someone offering you or a loved one a promotion, the position you always dreamed of, a vote of confidence, a moment in the sunshine, an opportunity for change.  Maybe it's a call to say a new healthy baby was born.  Then, another day, it's a call from a close friend, your age, who has just been diagnosed with cancer and is facing surgery, chemo, radiation, and the challenges of trying to rebuild a semblance of normalcy when the very core has been shaken.

Is it hyperbole, or even offensive, to equate bar passage or failure with life threatening illness?  It isn't meant offensively, so if it's taken that way, apologies in advance.  What it's meant to acknowledge is how important this news really is.

Unless you have taken the bar exam, it's hard to convey just how big it feels.  You work and dream of law school for a time, then you work for three or four of the hardest years ever, then you study for months, then you take days of a grueling exam.  Then, after all that, you wait months for results. 

Many who didn't take it think, it's 'just an exam.'  But most everyone who has done it realizes it's not.  It's hard to hide from people in your world that you are awaiting results.  Everyone knows.  It becomes a referendum on who you are --not that it should be.  It's much better to keep it in context, and in perspective.  But after all these years, success on this last exam is the key to the door, the entree to that club called bar membership, and, as Ringo Starr sang about something altogether different, "It don't come easy; you know it don't come easy...."

So, if you are awaiting results, be kind to yourself this week!  Go see a funny movie.  Take an afternoon off for a beautiful hike or walk.  Have a bubble bath and champagne.  Distract yourself with positives.  Remind yourself how wonderful you are, regardless of this one "test result."  Surround yourself with good and positive people who will love and support you no matter what news Friday brings. 

If you are a friend or family member of someone awaiting results, be even more kind.  Dredge up every ounce of respect, of compassion.  Back off, and wait to see what that person wants from you.  Give space.  Provide comfort and laughter when that is called for.  Help with being a positive distraction, but refrain from the negative wherever possible.  Realize that even if your loved one is not expressing it, he or she is hard-pressed to not be pretty much consumed with getting on that website Friday....

And, if the news comes in happily, let's hear the shouts of joy to the moon and back.  If the news comes in otherwise, let's work together to focus on success for July.  All you need is a plan.  It don't come easy, but you CAN do it!  July will be your time to shine!!!!